Chrianna Short: Selling Dreams
A/N: An old short that was sitting in my drafts. Figured I finish it and post it. Enjoy!
Rihanna looked around her house and huffed before she just started grabbing photos and items that were spread out and mixed in with her decor. She had spent enough time playing this role and she wanted her life back, as much back of it that she could get. She grabbed a huge duffel bag and started throwing things into it. Just as she went to clear off the table behind her couch, she bumped into Melissa.
“Damn Girl, where you rushing off too?” Mel asked as she gingerly rubbed her shoulder.
“Nowhere. I didn’t see you there. When’d you get here?”
“Just a few minutes ago. You obviously didn’t hear me come in either.”
“Yea, I was cleaning up and wasn’t paying attention.”
“Cleaning up what?” Mel looked around the room, “where’s all the pictures? Don’t you think he’s gonna be a little suspicious?”
“I don’t care what he is especially since he’s not my problem.”
“How is your man not your problem?”
“He’s not my man. Never was. Don’t know how many times I have to say that.”
“Well according to media and your PR, he was your man so outside of this house he was your man. What happened?”
“Nothing. I’m finished.”
“Finished what?”
“I’m finished lying. I’m finished pretending. I’m tired, Mel.”
“Does he know that?”
“I don’t give a fuck what he does or doesn’t know.”
“Whoa there, what is going on?”
“I just told you. I’m finished.”
“Robs, that’s not it. Something happened.”
“Nothing happened, honest. I’m really just over all of this. The trips and shit, it gets really boring after a while, especially if it’s not with who you want to be with.”
“Chris know you done?”
“This has nothing to do with him either.”
“That’s not what I asked you. Does Chris know you are done?”
“He knows I was thinking about it.”
“Before me?”
“I didn’t want the judgment, Mel.”
“When have I ever judged you?”
“Not out loud but I could feel the way you’ve been looking at me since this started.”
“That wasn’t judgment, that was disappointment. I told you from the beginning that this wasn’t a good idea. You’ve been letting PR run your life for the last few years and just when I thought you were settled into your own, you let them pull you right back in.”
“Mel, I made the decision to go along with it.”
“For what purpose other than media bullshit?”
“It wasn’t media bullshit to me.”
“And what was it to Chris then?”
“I don’t want to talk about him.”
“You might want to.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I’m right behind you.”
Rihanna jerked around at the sound of Chris’s voice. She smiled before she could catch herself and Chris chuckled, “you look more shocked than I thought you would be. What’s up?”
“Nothing. Why? How are you here?”
“I drove here, what do you mean?”
“How’d you even know I was in town? I didn’t call you.”
“You normally don’t and somehow I still have perfect timing,” Chris walked towards her and plopped down in an armchair, “besides I could always sense when something was wrong and considering this room, I was right.”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“You don’t pull a Bernadine in Waiting to Exhale for nothing. What’s going on?”
“I really don’t have to answer you.”
“You don’t but you will. Eventually.”
Melissa laughed causing Rihanna to remember she was in the room, “there is nothing funny about this.”
“Oh there’s a lot funny but I’m gonna go to my room and laugh. It’s tense in here.”
Melissa patted Chris’s shoulder as she walked past him to leave the living room. Rihanna turned her attention back to him, “why are you here, Chris?’
“I told you that I sensed something was wrong and…I miss you.”
“I just saw you in New York.”
“That was well over two months ago. Still not used to these long gaps.”
“We’ve dealt with longer.”
“That’s when we really didn’t have any options.”
“Who says now that we do have options?”
“We did especially once we started this up again.”
“This what?”
“What? Does your nigga have the room wired for sound or you just acting dense on purpose?”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re excused.”
“You don’t get to barge in my house in the middle of my recharging session, demanding answers to shit that isn’t your business.”
“All of this is my business.”
“Really? How?”
“Because you’re my business and have been over the last decade. I told you this from Matt to Drake to this Arab nigga, I don’t give a fuck about no PR stunts and relationships, we’ve been in this from the beginning and it hasn’t changed. When I feel like something is wrong, I’m gonna come whether you ask me to or not, guns blazing if I have to. We’ve been good for this long so clearly something has changed if you giving me attitude like this and I haven’t seen you in so long.”
Rihanna sighed and ran her fingers through her hair before settling her hands on her waist. Chris was right; he didn’t do anything he wouldn’t normally do when she came in town and she was overreacting.
“Look, I’m sorry. I’m just- I don’t know.”
“What is it? Is the pressure getting to you? Are you changing your mind? We’ve been communicating so well up until now, just let me know what’s up.”
“It’s not you. I just don’t have my head on too straight.”
“Then let me help you, all you gotta do is talk to me, you know that.”
“I know Babe, it’s just- I’m still trying to figure it out. I feel out of control.”
“So stop trying to figure it out and just relax. You’re not gonna gain more control by acting out of control. Forcing things has never been helpful for you.”
“You’re right.”
“So sit down. Stop trying so hard to make things happen and just let them happen.”
Rihanna frowned and Chris chuckled, “what’s the matter, Baby Girl?”
“When the hell you’d get so wise?”
“I’ve had a lot of practice. Now can I get a proper greeting or you still taking your anger out on me?”
Rihanna rolled her eyes and she moved to sit on Chris’s lap. He kissed her and she laid her head on his shoulder, “I wasn’t taking my anger out on you. I was just frustrated.”
“Same difference.”
Chris made circles on her exposed thigh with his fingertip, “I missed you. Why didn’t you call me when you got in town?”
“Because I’m not staying long. I’m actually out of here tomorrow.”
“Even more reason why you should’ve called me.”
“I also didn’t come here by myself.”
“Ah, now that makes sense. Where’s your Arab money?”
“Fuck you.”
Chris laughed, “I’m serious. Where he at?”
“He left already.”
“Argument?”
“Gotta actually talk to have an argument. I’m just over everything and told him to go. Services no longer needed.”
“Should’ve never enlisted them in the first place.”
“I am not having this discussion with you again, Chris.”
“We’re not, I’m just saying.”
“No more saying. You’ve expressed your dislike with the arrangement enough over the last year or so. You didn’t like him, I get it.”
“So you my girl again or nah?”
“Always been yours.”
“But am I still sharing you or no?”
“No.”
“That’s all I need to hear.”
“But we’re not together, Chris.”
“By whose definition?”
“Anybody’s definition. I need time, Chris.”
“I can give you time. I’ve always given you that.”
“I mean real time. Not you sitting in the corner, staring at your watch and willing me to hurry up time.”
“I do not- nevermind.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Well what do you expect? We were on a good path, babies, marriage, rings and then you spring him on me. Everytime I agree to give you time, you end up giving your time to somebody else. Regardless if it’s a real relationship or not, you’re giving time you promised to me, to somebody not me so yea, it makes me hesitate with this time shit.”
“It’s not like you’ve been waiting all alone.”
“Actually I have. Commenting on IG and shit doesn’t mean nothing when it doesn’t translate to real life. ‘I’ve been chilling, minding my business, and taking care of myself. I’ve done nothing but wait by myself.”
“I never asked you to do that.”
“You’ve never asked me to do a lot of things but you knew I would, did you not?”
“I did.”
“So I rest my case.”
“This isn’t easy, Chris.”
“I never said it was but you aren’t making it any easier either.”
“Clearly.”
“So what exactly is your next step?”
“Haven’t figured it out yet. I really don’t know what I want or what I want to do.”
“Just chill for a minute. Give yourself time to relax and actually sleep for a while, it’ll come to you.”
“You’re always good for a positive thought.”
“I don’t like seeing you stressed out, Baby Girl. Makes me anxious and puts me on offense.”
“Chris, you can’t protect me from myself.”
“I can try.”
Rihanna laughed as she leaned up to kiss his lips, “what’s your plans?”
“I came here for you. It’s up to you.”
“I just needed to clear my head, probably should’ve come here alone in that case.”
“That’s very true but you also had an image to upkeep so a certain presence makes sense.”
Rihanna sighed, “can I quit?”
“You can do whatever you want to do. Why are you asking me?”
“Because you’re my conscience right now. Can I quit?”
“Depends on why you want to quit.”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you quitting because you’re done or because you’re running?”
Rihanna went to say something then closed her mouth. Chris gently rubbed her thigh, “I am the last person to be giving advice on anything because I still don’t completely have my shit together but I do know what happens when you make decisions based on fear and not fact. I’ve wasted great opportunities doing it.”
“Like?”
“Our entire relationship. Past and present.”
“We’ve both done it if that’s the case.”
“We have, I just actually acknowledge it.”
“I really have no idea what to do.”
“You could start by stopping selling the public dreams.”
“What?”
“You keep pulling people into your PR antics, and that’s what they are no matter how you try to justify it, for the sake of keeping up an image that the public is comfortable with instead of actually being yourself. You being a savage is a cover. You being this pick ‘em and dump ‘em person is a cover. All a mask. You are selling them a version of you that is not real.”
“How would you know that it’s not real?”
“Because I know you. I know you in ways that the public would never get to know you. That’s why you burn out so quickly. That’s why you can’t commit to whatever you’re doing for so long because you’re not being true to you.”
“You’re only saying that because you’re included in what I want to do.”
“I’m saying it because it’s true. Listen, I’ve been out of the picture for extended periods of time and you still stick to the script. You pick people who you don’t really like because you know that they can’t hurt you. I pick people because they’re easy to get and easy to dismiss. I go for ease. You go for comfort.”
Rihanna sucked her teeth as she folded her arms across her chest, “I don’t agree with that.”
“I can accept that, don’t make what I said wrong though.”
“So what about you?”
“What about me? I am a complete and utter fuck up at times, I’m transparent about that. I play games to distract myself and others from reality. I bullshit myself a lot but I know it. I accept it therefore I accept the consequences that come from it. You, on the other hand, not so much.”
“Are you saying that I don’t accept accountability?”
“Yea, pretty much.”
Rihanna pushed off his lap and moved to grab the duffel bag she was holding earlier, “Wow, tell me how you really feel.”
“Baby Girl, if you accept accountability, you wouldn’t be lying and justifying things to anyone, especially not to yourself. You wouldn’t be cleaning out the pictures of a man that you publicly entertained for a year even though you didn’t like him. You wouldn’t be hiding and letting the world turn you into a recluse, just to do what you want to do. You wouldn’t be teasing albums when all you really want to do is make clothes and make up. You’d be upfront and honest regardless of others’ reactions. The fact you haven’t and you can’t even verbally express why without providing justifications for it is exactly why we’re having this conversation. None of this can happen without your participation. You have to be accountable for that.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“That’s fine.”
“And I’d like you to leave.”
“That’s fine too.”
“Are you serious?”
“I didn’t come here to argue with you or make you feel worse but we’ve prided ourselves on being honest with each other thus far so I don’t regret what I’ve said. I’m not judging you because we do what we have to do to survive,” Chris stood up and straightened his pants, “I’ve done worse. I’ve fucked up my life worse so I’m telling you from experience. IF you want to quit, you need to be honest with yourself about why and once you do that, you need to be honest about how you got to this point in the first place. That’s the only way for you to quit in peace because the change of outside circumstances doesn’t get rid of the issues inside you. That much I know for sure even though I’m still figuring out what comes next.”
“And this makes you so much better than me, huh?”
“Absolutely not. I’m still fucking up but I’m honest with myself about why and work on how to not do it again. I backslide every once in a while but I’m human. Maybe if you accepted that part about you, you wouldn’t be working so hard to keep up this image for the world.”
“I went back to you after everything we’ve been through, that wasn’t enough?”
“Wow. I hoped you came back to me because you wanted to, not to make me your redemption story. If loving me was the worst thing you think you’ve done as a human, that’s on you. I think. I’m just your most public mistake. Don’t confuse the two.”
“I never said you were a mistake.”
“Nope but you’re saying it as if our second chance was the only thing you’ve done that others’ didn’t accept. You’re protected but you’re not invincible.”
“Sounds like you want me to fail.”
“I want you to be honest with yourself about who you are so you can stop acting like what you’re pretending to be isn’t a bunch of bullshit. I want you to be successful while being you, the real you.”
“Chris.”
“Rih, Baby Girl, there’s really nothing else to say and I think I’ve pissed you off enough for the night.”
Chris walked over and kissed her cheek before he started walking towards the door, “Tell Mel I said bye. Oh, and you missed a couple pictures on the console.”
He left.
“You know he’s actually right, Robs. He might be a fuck up sometimes but he’s an honest one,” Melissa said as she walked into the room.
“I’m guessing you heard,” Rihanna replied.
“I did. I thought y’all were about to start arguing so I was standing in the hallway.”
“No need. He doesn’t really like to argue with me anymore.”
“That bothers you.”
“It does.”
“Why?”
“It’s uncomfor-” Rihanna stopped mid-sentence, “Am I really that bad? Do I really avoid accountability like that?”
“Nobody can answer that but you. Maybe you really do need time. I’m not saying to shut down into complete isolation but you need to really think about your life and how you want to live it moving forward. Nobody is saying that the world needs to know everything but at least let what you do decide to let them in on, be honest and true to you. If you don’t want to do music or if you only want to do it on your own time, be honest about it. If you want to date, do it but be honest about it. You can be private without treating your personal life as a secret. The best savages are the honest ones.”
Chris had just pulled into his driveway when his phone rang with a FaceTime call. He put the car in park then slid over the answer key, “Hey Baby Girl.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“But I do. I overreacted and it wasn’t fair especially since you came all that way to see me.”
“And you had all right to tell me to leave if you no longer wanted me there. There’s nothing to apologize for.”
“Are you home yet?”
“I just pulled into the driveway. What’s up?”
“Can I stop by?”
“Sure. I’ll order something for us.”
“OK. I’ll see you in a little bit.”
“Cool.”
